The King Midas in Reverse Gazette

Editor-In-Good Grief: Adam “Why swing when you can walk” Mead

It’s Alright Ma, I’m Only Bleeding

There are times in life when you walk into a room and are greeted by some sense of foreshadowing; a cold chill; sight of a misplaced book. Team Enneads season has had no need for such drama, and has been void of subtly on any level. Our last game came into view quietly, as we walked onto Great Lawn field #3. The weather was filled with wonder, do we really need another spin off of GLEE? There were hundreds in the outfield, unwilling to move, their head’s covered by hands, the sun to shield. Gensler in years past would have cause us to shake with some fear, but with our record, lost in the headlights more like a deer. We put our ragtag team to the test, we swung the bats, ran the bases, yes, we even took a rest. In the outfield is where we like to shine, there the ball lay, right in front of Nikita’s feet, “Hey is this mine?” Off in the distance I could hear a saxophone play, but it was slow, and a bit out of key, I’d say. Gensler began to accrue the runs, the sun was setting, we was dead, was this really close to being done? “That’s Game”, the ump did yell, My ears hurt, it was only the 4^th inning, but the shock rang like a bell. Over the hills, and through the woods, a slaughter rule did ride. 11-0, it all seemed right, as we left the field a small child sat, being held tight by his trusted black lab. Ten feet further and a dog ran in circles, trying to find a hole, hey wait, was he being led by Studs Terkel? When 120 paces had been laid down, we finally walked across that threshold, wearing out our weary crown. We ordered up our usual supply of beers and wings, The jukebox sung “Band on The Run”. And so another season comes to a close. Time to put away the cleats and dirty ennead softball clothes. Thanks to everyone who came out to play, it’s a season, well, the one that got away.

Season record 0-11-1

Until next year…well on that note.

Editors Note: I think it is time to lay my pencil down, to take a break, and hand over the reins, of this well oiled softball write up. I have mined the depths of literary injustice, and think fresh eyes would do well should they fall on a blank page, coming up with stories of wonder and surprise. Thanks to everyone who has paused in their days to read my tales, and offered opinions, ideas, solutions, and stories of softball demise. It has been fun. I wish the next lucky soul Good luck!

Good night& Good night

Adam

Ennead's Last Gasp

The “This is how it ends?” Express

Editor-In-Good Grief: Adam “Where’s my TV Dinner?” Mead

“Ennead Shows Heart, Now that’s A Start…Next Year Already?”

“Deferred gratification and delayed gratification denote a person’s ability to wait in order to obtain something that he or she wants. This intellectual attribute is also called impulse control, will power, self control, and “low” time preference, in economics. Sociologically, good impulse control is considered a positive personality trait, which psychologist Daniel Goleman indicated as an important component trait of emotional intelligence. “

Team Ennead took their week-end yearning weary bodies, and dragged themselves into a Friday night fight. The Sun cutting through the kicked up dust, this was surely going to help us knock off the rust. Perkins Eastman was our willing opponent, now our team needed some help, some missing component. Now if I had to surmise I wouldn’t have guessed it was the sun in our eyes, but rather a “lose” hiding out beyond the trees in some well suited disguise. PEA took quickly to making us squirm, they ran around the bases like some human worm. But regardless of our verbal jabs, and the fact one on our teammates had 6 back abs, five runs they scored, “Serentity NOW!”, I implored. It took some time, but with two outs in the 5^th, the planets did align, team ennead let out a last gasp, 5 runs around the bases, holding our breath that we would not trip over our untied laces. The game was tied, could it be, the softball gods could be bribed? Now as in life, all things aren’t always fare, you see, we have had 7 loses, almost too much to bear. But, today Lucy, looked us square in the eye, and pulled that ball quickly away, all 9 of us, feet flying high, right into the blue sky. PEA would not go away, and with their mischievous tactics, running the bases like playing gymnastics. Another run on their side of the scorecard, it was too much too handle, where in the damned remote control so I can fast forward? Team Ennead showed heart, maybe only enough fight for 1 inning, but that’s a start. We fell to our feet 0-8-1. Two more games left in the season, there’s nothing left to say, and surely not any reason. So don’t hold your breath, but after this season, I am moving to Vegas to sing Kiss’ song “Beth”. Tuesday and Thursday are all that remain, but remember, as always, it’s only a game!

Shout out to Anthony for helping us out in the field, and his little daughter for yelling “OUT” before he batted, as well as Mr. Geisinger, our lone fan. We’ll take what we can get!

THE PLAYOFF PICTURE COMES TO FOCUS . . . A LITTLE BIT

With the results from Monday night, the 2011 playoff picture in the SLAM League has become a little more clear: there are 7 teams for 6 spots.

I preface the below information with the fact that this is ALL “unofficial” projections by the commissioner (the numbers were crunched in my head several times and not on paper); but depending upon the results of a few key games, the landscape for the 2011 playoffs could look very different than recent history:

• HMA/RAMSA, PCF/HH and MGA have all clinched playoff spots
• SS must win one of its next two games to guarantee a spot
• FxF (already with a SLAM-record 5 rainouts to date) improbably still have 4 games to play in the next 2+ weeks, needing to win 2 of its remaining 4 games to lock up a spot

And here’s where it gets very interesting:

• Gensler controls its own destiny: Win the next two games (PCF/HH and EA) and they are in the playoffs. But if Gensler should split their next two games, and RRA/DBB wins its final game (and again, this is assuming SS doesn’t lose their final two games), then RRA/DBB would take the 6th spot because of the H2H matchup way back in April.

At the top of the standings, the seeds are just as interesting:

• PCF/HH and HMA/RAMSA each control their own destiny, making the August 8th matchup on the Great Lawn all the more important. If either team wins its remaining games, that team secures the #1 seed and a first round bye in the playoffs. Conversely, the loser could be headed for the #3 seed and no first round bye in the playoffs.
• Oddly enough, FxF, which has yet to guarantee a playoff spot could actually also lock up the #1 seed with a little help from some other teams in the league (FxF would need to win outright, GA defeats PCF/HH and PCF/HH defeats HMA/RAMSA). Got that?

In short, with two weeks to go in the regular season absolutely NOTHING is settled. And all this just as a precursor to what should be a very exciting 2011 SLAM playoffs.



STAY TUNED....

HM/RAMSA Dethroned!

For the moment at least.........

The Narcoleptic Gazette

Editor-In-Grief: Adam “see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil” Mead

"Ennead does its best Hollywood Audition"

Team Ennead came to Central Park’s Hecksher Field #1 last Thursday with a season’s worth of mud in our eyes. We were facing uptown’s own Mitchell Giurgola Architects. We cleared out the mud, quickly , took to the field, and promised not to yield. As is our modus operandi, we took a quick lead, 5-0, it was like watching Secretariat, clear away from the field. Now I’m not sure if it was my tinnitus, or if I heard David Coxson whisper to the skies, “we just might win this one?” It was at that moment the sun fell behind the clouds, and the MGA bats began to grow rather loud. A ball hit here, a ball hit there, a ball hit over Ryan’s head, over way, way, over there. We tried to hold our little red Ennead wagon together, but before we knew it the game was tied. But Wait!,, I made a deal with the devil on this one, oh man, He must’ve lied. We tried with all of our might, but much like “Weekend and Bernie’s” , when the bodies dead, there’s little left to do, but make another movie, part 2. So as the game came to a close 8-7, loser’s again, in our ennead clad clothes, we took our heavy heads south, to find cold beer and nachos to fill our mouths. 2 games remain in this weary and worn season, at 0-7-1 we’re fighting for our lives, I’m thinking at the next game we’ll come wielding knives. Until next installment, I’ll be wandering the office in a narcoleptic stupor.

Good Night, and Good Night!

Co-Captain, Adam “Never had ‘em” Mead

The Jet Lag Gazette

Editor-in-another time zone: Adam “keep it brief” Mead

Team Ennead shows up, falls short

Maybe I was still in another times zone, Greenwich meantime +2, maybe it was the weather, I wish I could manage an excuse, a little better, but a lose is a lose too, just like watching Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo. Team Ennead began quickly putting up a couple runs, but before you knew it, the other team had scored more and the game was done. We usually continue on, to win the true fight, but this night, David’s wallet was light, and my head was somewhere at 30,000 feet in mid trans-atlantic flight. 6-3 lose and now falling to a 0-5-1 record. As Frank Constanza once let fly: “Serenity Now!”

Team Ennead take itself into a 1 week break, hoping to come back, better, faster, stronger, or maybe just show a brave face

JUST ANOTHER MANIC MONDAY....

Heading into the second week of June, only three teams in the SLAM League had winning records—HMA/RAMSA, SS and PCF/HH—who combined for a 12-1 start to their seasons. All three teams lost on the Great Lawn on Monday night. In the immortal words of Vince Lombardi: “What the hell’s goin’ on out here?”

Perennial playoff stalwarts, Gensler and Fox+Fowle (who only had one win combined as the calendar switched to June) have appeared to right the ship as they flexed their muscles on Monday in defeat of another pair of playoff regulars in SOM/Swanke and PCF/HH respectively. In doing so, both GA and FXF climbed their way back to .500 each at 2-2 on the season. RRA/DBB, owners of an already impressive victory over Gensler on their resume, added yet another by defeating the defending champions 2-1 in 9 hard-fought innings of exciting SLAM softball. With the victory, RRA/DBB also climbed up to .500 creating quite the logjam in the standings.

Following Monday’s mayhem, PEA rebounded nicely from a loss to Gensler by knocking off KPF—the team which stood 5th in the standings heading into the night. So if you’re keeping score at home, 4 of the top 5 teams in the standings have all lost this week, with the team currently fourth, MGA, set to play on Thursday evening against GSA. If this week’s results are any indication (or if you could wager on SLAM league games), I’d bet the house on Gruzen.

As it stands, there are now five teams at .500 on the season, with three more teams only one game away from reaching .500 (sorry, Ennead. But what you lack in wins this season is made up for tenfold in blog posts!). What it all means—beyond a potential playoff nightmare of tiebreakers for the commissioner’s office—is that things are starting to get VERY interesting in SLAM and should make for quite a competitive summer.

As LeBron said: It's now or never. Oops.