The Lilliputian’s Daily Telegraph

It takes a lot to Laugh, It takes a Train to Cry.

Editor-In Good Grief: Adam “Narcoleptic in the Field” Mead

Ennead showed up to the chilled fields of Central Park with 8 players to wield. We were hoping for greatness, to run the bases in weightlessness. But our little Lilliputian arms and legs were no match for The Phillips Group. To them we must’ve seemed like nervous ants, running around with us in our pants. A ball would fall over there, then over here, even Old MacDonald couldn’t’

make a rhyme out of us. We were truly something to behold, ,our ropes launched into the air, holding tightly to keep our nemesis from moving through the air. But, they turned our diamond around,  Adam Sheraden did his level best on that there pitcher’s mound. “1, 2, 3 strikes you’re out,” is a term we know too well, I can’t believe how many pennies, and wishes I left down that well. Now if you use that new math the kids like today, I hazard to say, we might win one of these games someday. Move a decimal here, a digit there, hey before you know it, we’re paying this game with talent to share. Now in just 2 games we’ve made our 2 opponents to quite able. If we continue on this path I foresee a future for me cleaning out a Horse Stable. As the 4^th inning came into focus, it was hard to avoid, another slaughter rule, someone please release the swarm of locusts. 11-0 in the end was the score, I know another lose, I am beginning to bore. In a week’s time from today we’ll be heading out again to try and show just what we’ve got, and put it on display. Season Standing 0-2

Epilogue:

As I sat in my apartment home, chatting away, my two cats a purring, pure contentment shown, I heard my phone a buzzing. It was an email from our friend SLAM League commissioner. I wonder, in summer is he much of a fisher? Now the e-mail seemed to paint him as a rather dispirited lad. But they usually win, I’d have thought he’d been rather glad. But, as you see I forgot to pay the UMP Fee, and in this email he framed me as rather a chump. Now at first I took great offense, but that quickly turned to solace. I am sure there was just a mistake and intended no malice. Now as my bald headed dome did descend into sleep, my imagination ran away with me and offered, an image, a treat. The commissioner, at work at Robert A.M. Stern, arguing over what was proper, “what is it to be, a Corinthian column, or something more solemn?”

Editors Note: No Lilliputians were harmed in the assemblage of these words.

BACK TO BUSINESS

After a somewhat controversial winter away that included an extensive doping allegation (no charges filed), a visit to the White House and very light off-season workout program, the HMBA/RAMSA Orange Crush returned to their office in Central Park to kick off the 2012 campaign.  The one-time "bridesmaids" of SLAM have become (to some) the Bridezillas of the league.  Make no mistake about it, in 2012 this team has a bullseye squarely aimed at its back.

 Facing a much improved and highly motivated Perkins Eastman team to open its second defense of the trophy, the SLAM champions were flat and rusty.  PEA came right out of the box with a run in the first inning (and threatened for much more).  On the flipside, it took four innings of softball for the HMBA/RAMSA squad to scratch out its first hit of the young season.  And four batters later, with two outs and two runners on base, cleaner hitter Brian Barney roped a single to center to give the us a 2-1 lead.    Two innings later with a little more hustle than muscle (and the help of a throwing error), an important tack-on run was added  as they closed out the game 3-1, Good Guys.

Two weeks later - and sporting the debut of brand-spanking new uniforms since 2006 - a rejuvenated team complete with a new crop of rookie talent returned to the Great Lawn against MGA.  Unlike the first game of the season, this version of the players somewhat resembled the championship formula of seasons' past--timely hitting, solid defense across the field and just enough pitching from their aging captain (who nearly paid a visit to Dr. James Andrews in Birmingham, Alabama this winter).   Most notably the offense came out firing in this game with 4 runs in the top of the first inning.  In fact, the offense scored runs in each of the five innngs of play.  Highlights from the game include the newly crowned quadragenarian, Eric Hofmann's 3-3 evening with 3 runs scored and 1 RBI, Addie Suchorab's 2-2 (1 RBI) performance and Josh Barkan's 2-2, 2 RBI performance which included his first career home run in SLAM ("No joke, that's the first home run I've ever hit - at any level!" he proclaimed in post-game comments).  Final score, Good Guys 12, MGA 1.

Next up on the schedule is the Mayan-endorsed, undefeated (and over-photographed) Blue Storm of TPG - the #1 ranked team in SLAM sporting a formidable 23-1 run ratio in the early part of the season.  Better get your cameras ready, boys and girls....

TPG Beats Ennead 11-0

Team TPG took the field yesterday against Ennead.  When Polshelk Parnership changed their name to Ennead, the meaning had something to do with the "power of 9".  Unfortunately for Ennead, last night they only showed up with a "power of 8" - as in 8 players to take the field.  TPG led off the game, and our first nine batters scored before we even had an out.  Two innings later, a 2-run HR by SS Tommy "Guns" Anderson, and that was all the  scoring we needed, as TPG won via the mercy rule 11-0 after 4 innings of play.

We were lucky enough to have TPG's official team photographer Vu Tran tag along, so we took the educational opportunity to illustrate what to do, and what not to do on the softball field.  For example, here's a breakdown of the correct batting stance vs. the incorrect batting stance:

Tommy "Guns" Anderson demonstrating the correct way to swing a bat

Simon "Muscle Ninja" Yeung showing us the, uh, not so correct way to swing a bat

We also learned that jumping in the air while swinging was not very effective:

Josh "Shufflefoot" Ginsburg teaching us the "jump-swing" technique

And anger can be a powerful tool, the more you grimace, the harder you hit:

Derrick "The Mouth" Blocker

Princess "Peanut" Salvacion

Sara "All Star" Laurence

Tony "Married to the Firm" Franzese

You can see all of the pictures from the game here:  https://plus.google.com/photos/109111179680946945239/albums/5737579785253901553?authkey=CIOVkdzk94qCPQ

Our next game is against 2-time defending champion, HMB/RAMSA.  We look forward to the challenge.

Game balls go to Derrick Blocker for pitching a shut out, Tommy Anderson for another monster HR, and Vu Tran for all the awesome photos.

Opening Day - will the Mayans be Right?

2012.  The year the world is supposed to end.  Well if it's gonna end, TPG wants to be on top.  And the first game of the season gave us just a little bit of hope.  Squaring off against MGA, the team who narrowly beat us last year (and effectively ended our postseason aspirations), TPG had some revenge in mind.  It was Hecksher field, a sunny day, and TPG came out in full force ready to play.  Although the game got off to a late start (ump was "caught in traffic"), when the first pitch was thrown we were ready, scoring 3 runs in the top of the first.  Hopeful, excited, it was time to play some defense. 

And then we got a bit nervous.  MGA's leadoff batter hit an opposite field home run to start the game.  And the next two batters got hits.  Oh,oh, would the TPG lead quickly vanish?  NO.  Stellar defense all around, and TPG held MGA to only that one run, and at the end of the first it was 3-1 TPG.

Top second, and the first two TPG batters made outs.  Guh.Ugh.  Looking like a long game.  But... then an historic 2-out rally that saw 12 batters, and 9 runs.  Included in that barrage was a HR blast by new SS Tommy "Guns" Anderson that bounced and hit the fence on the opposite side of the park (beast mode = on).

No one scored after that rally, and the game ended via the mercy rule with only 4 innings played, final score 12-1.

top row: Dave Beauchamp, Ray Dominguez, Lynee Hastings, Tony Franzese, Tommy Anderson, Omar Bustamante, Sara Laurence, Alessandra Belfiore.  bottom row: Alison Hopke, Shyam Kumar, Derrick Blocker, Princess Salvacion, Josh Ginsburg, Simon Yeung

Game balls go to Tommy "Guns" Anderson for his monster HR, Josh "Shufflefoot" Ginsburg and Dave "Speedy" Beauchamp for each going a perfect 3-3 on the day.  And honorable mention goes to Tony "Married to the Firm" Franzese for introducing us to his old childhood buddy Tommy.

Could this be our year?  Maybe the Mayans are right.  Because if TPG did win it all this year, many of the other teams would indeed think the end is near.  Fine, it's only one game, but we can dream, right?

First Game Blues

Ennead Gazzette

Late Afternoon Edition Vol 1, Version 2.0

Out of the Bush and into the Briar

Editor-Back in Relief: Adam “don’t ask me” Mead

2012 Season Premiere.

The wind was rustling the newly bloomed leaves, as Team Ennead, with its newly crowned team en-tow walked across Central Park West. The Sphere of Polshek’s past leered menacingly from across the street as we disappeared behind dipping branches, over yonder, under that tree, on a bench, some woman was eating a sandwich. We were bringing fresh faces to the field, but the question to ponder was, would our talent hold up again Gensler, or yield? We were held together in a mismatched array of t-shirts and sneakers. Have I ever mentioned I always like that character on the Muppets, his named was Beeker. Now as luck would have it, we lost the coin toss, we would bat first, but I tell you it would be Gensler’s great loss. We swung our bats, it was 1, 2, 3, and before I could even blink we were in the field down 0-11 in utter disbelief, without an ounce of leftover glee. We looked around to one another in dismay, and wondered aloud if this was merely not our day. The score kept creeping to the wrong side of the scoreboard. Now I know it might sound blasphemous, but even 1 day after Easter Jesus would have let out an “Oh Lord!?!” It was somewhere near the end, when our wee bitty legs were about to bend, but, before the break, Aaron Raymound, came from far afield, caught two miraculous balls, and had us thinking of a re-written end. He took his bat, and like Casey hit it hard, it flew far and over head, as he ran the bases his lungs sounded quite dead. But it was to be a day of extremes and his was a homer, 1 run to their 17, well, what can I say it was a bummer. Now I don’t need to remind most of you how last year ended, it was long and drawn out, our hope completely up ended. So we begin this year, like we ended the last, sitting at the bar with Beer and Wings having a blast.

0-1 & nowhere to go. Will we rise up, reborn, or stay static on the Hospital table, flat-lined, barely able? You guess is as good as mine. Next Game 4/23/12 Great Lawn #4 vs Perkins Eastman Kodak @6:45 pm. Come check us out, or merely watch as it turns into a rout.

Thanks to All the new Players this year. We fought hard for such a lopsided game, and let it be known to all, that laughter, it’s part of the game!

BACK 2 BACK !

There’s little doubt that the 2009 SLAM Finals left a deep impression on the HMA/RAMSA team. After splitting the first two games of that series against SSC, HMA/RAMSA held a 6-5 lead in the 5th inning - only 8 outs from its first SLAM title; they would eventually go on to lose that game and series in extra innings leaving an ugly taste in the collective mouths of the men and women who were on that field that day. Two years later, it remains the last playoff game the HMA/RAMSA Orange Crush has lost as David Solomon is quick to remind his once-maligned “bridesmaids” all the time of that seminal loss.

The 2011 playoff march began on September 1st in much the same fashion that 2009 and 2010 ended: with a duel against SOM/Swanke. In each of the past three seasons, HMA/RAMSA and SS have faced off in the playoffs to play a total of 7 games – 6 of which were decided by one run. So it really should come as no surprise to anyone that those two teams would produce yet another thrilling series – a double header of comebacks.


We fast forward to the bottom of the 6th of Game #1 as SOM/Swanke clung to a 6-5 lead with the middle of the lineup coming up for the defending champions. Clean-up hitter Brian Barney (CF) delivered perhaps the most-clutch hit of his young but brilliant career in SLAM as he led off the bottom of the inning with sky-high homerun to that little 15' wide fence in left field out in Hecksher #1 to knot the game at 6. Neither team could push across a run in the 7th as the game headed to extra frames. In the bottom of the 8th, leadoff man Pete Garofalo (RF) did what he’s done for two seasons now: he simply found a way to get on base. And his single was followed by two more base hits, the last of which came off the bat of Doug Houstoun (1B) which brought home the game-winning run. Put simply, HMA/RAMSA stole a game in which they never held the lead.

Game Two began directly following the conclusion of the first. And while the prognosticators expected the pitchers to tire in the double header, it was in fact that bats on both teams that were quieted. Once again, SOM/Swanke jumped out to an early 2-0 lead with a pair of runs in the first. Following that, both pitchers locked down the opposing bats as neither team could muster even the slightest threat for the next 4 innings. SS was able to tack on an insurance run in the bottom of the 6th to extend to a 3-0 lead as they were 3 outs away from tying up the series at 1-1. (We flashback for a moment to the final game of the regular season as HMA/RAMSA trailed PCF/HH 4-1 in the top of the 7th inning with the #1 seed and a playoff bye on the line. We learned that night to never question the heart of a championship team as HMA/RAMSA scratched across 4 runs in the 7th to win the game that evening 5-4.) So even as the Orange Crush faced yet another 3 run deficit we knew we had been there before, not too long ago. And with the echoes of the '86 Mets (also down 3 runs in their final at bat in Game 6) wouldn’t you know it, despite being shutdown all game long – and just as they had only a few weeks earlier against PCF/HH – the heart of the HMA/RAMSA batting order responded with 4 timely runs in their final at bat to take a very familiar 5-4 lead. Three outs later in the bottom of the inning, HMA/RAMSA had completed a very improbable sweep to earn its 3rd consecutive trip to the SLAM Finals

The SLAM Finals began on Tuesday, September 20th as FxFowle and HMA/RAMSA faced off to settle the score from their 8-8 tie in the regular season. No doubt motivated by the riveting pregame speech by their manager, HMA/RAMSA’s bats came out swinging in the very first inning. After the first two batters reached base, Doug Houstoun delivered another big rip to plate the first 2 runs of the game. Following a pair of walks, rookie-of-the-year candidate Josh Aisenberg stepped to the plate with two outs in the inning. The big lefty, batting 7th in the order on this day despite the fact that he was first or second on the team in hits, RBI and homeruns during the regular season. And he stroked a monster 3-run homerun to rightfield to break open the game to 5-0. Not to be outdone, two batters later Doug Neri roped another 2-run homerun to extend the lead to 7-0. The offense did little else on the afternoon but did plenty in that first inning to secure an 8-2 victory.

Game Two on the Finals was played a week later as HMA/RAMSA looked for its 8th consecutive playoff win; but more importantly, its second consecutive SLAM title. And much like game one, the wind was taken from the FxFowle sails very early as the first three batters of the game each got on base and later scored as HMA/RAMSA took a 3-0 lead – a lead that they would never relinquish. The game was highlighted by excellent defensive plays on both sides of the ball as FxFowle turned two double plays and 4 other baserunners were thrown out trying to stretch a base at 2nd or home. And as the final out was squeezed on a popup to catcher Megan Fullagar, all of Central Park celebrated as the Orange Crush were champions again.

Following the game, when asked about his team’s performance in 2011, pitcher/manager David Solomon said “I’m proud of our team. They say that championships are like children: each one holds a very special place in your heart." He then paused to regain himself as a tear dribbled down his cheek: "I guess the biggest difference though is that I’m stopping at 2 kids—and I’ll be damned if this is the last time we win a championship. This feels so good, I think we’ll just have to bring everyone back for the three-peat.”

THE REPEAT IS COMPLETE

Your 2011 SLAM League Champions... (more to come)